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The Unofficial Catalog of Dirty Diapers #2: The Footloose

October 21, 2009

For all the upsides of fatherhood, there are certainly some drawbacks. Chief among them the seemingly endless variety of dirty diapers one encounters from day to day. This is an unofficial catalog of selected specimens.

The Footloose

FootlooseBigPicThe Footloose is not so much a dirty diaper as it is the combination of a dirty diaper and a particularly ornery baby/toddler.

A proper Footloose typically involves a dirty diaper of epic proportions (see “The Lahar”, “The California Mudslide”, “The Ben-Hur” and similar). A Lesser Footloose (also called a “Pygmy Footloose”) may sometimes occur with a diaper of more manageable proportions.

The Footloose occurs when, in the midst of attempting to remove a Lahar or Ben-Hur type dirty diaper, the creator of said diaper kicks and squirms with sufficient energy to break loose of the parent’s grip, and manages to plant a foot directly in the recently removed diaper.

At this point, the parent’s mind goes into red alert, and all reasoning abilities are suppressed in a desperate effort to avoid contact with the poop-covered foot while simultaneously containing the child and keeping further poop distribution to a minimum.

The Footloose is a 9.5 on the UCDD scale of diaper difficulty, and may necessitate the calling in of backup in the form of another parent, both grandparents, or a highly trained helper dog.

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