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I Want My Damn Snuffaluffagus!

July 12, 2009

Like most children of the 80’s, I grew up on a steady diet of television. Mister Rogers. Voltron. Star Blazers, He-Man, GI Joe, and of course Transformers. To me, this was and will always be the golden era of kids’ television. I know, I know, I’m sure there are plenty of 19-20 year olds out there who will no doubt say the same about Barney, the Power Rangers or Pokemon, and Nolan’ll probably grow up with a similar sentimental attachment to Sid the Science Kid and Martha the Talking Dog.

But through it all, Sesame Street has been a constant.

Or so I thought.

Every morning, Nolan and I take to the couch, him with his waffle, banana, and whatever drink I can scrounge up, and me with life-giving coffee, and we watch TV. Sometimes I’m lucky enough to watch the previous night’s Tonight Show or somesuch other show on the DVR. When I’m not, we turn on Sesame Street.

When Nolan was born, this was exactly the sort of thing I was looking forward to as a parent. Watching Sesame Street with the kiddo. But as I watched, I started noticing things. Changes. This wasn’t the Sesame Street I’d grown up with.

First, all the characters I remember from my childhood have evolved into bit characters. Big Bird, the Count, Cookie Monster, and Bert and Ernie only make rare appearances. And in all my time watching Sesame Street with Nolan, I’ve only seen Snuffaluffagus once. Just once.

Instead, we have:

Murray – This mop with eyes shows up EVERY SINGLE DAY, in a recurring segment called “Murray Has a Little Lamb” (get it?). Indeed, Murray does have a little lamb, named Burrito or something. And get this, the lamb speaks SPANISH. Every day they visit a different kind of school, where Murray acts like a retard, but before they can get there, Murray has to figure out what kind of school based on Burrito’s clues. And since he’s an idiot, this takes way too long. But at least Burrito seems to realize Murray is an idiot, so there’s that.

A Damn Fairy Muppet – No, not a gay muppet (though one has to question Bert and Ernie’s living arrangements). An actual fairy, with wings and a wand. And an Elmo-like capacity for annoyance. It’s like the producers decided one day that the kiddies only wanted small, annoying muppets, thus giving all the classic characters the shaft.

A Ridiculous Fascination with Triangles – Okay, for all I know this might have been going on when I was a kid, but it’s just ridiculous. The show is obsessed with triangles. What about circles? Or squares? Or the poor neglected trapezoid? It just reeks of shape discrimination. Maybe they should institute some kind of shape affirmative action.

Elmo – When I was a kid, Elmo was a bit character. But in 1998 (according to the interwebs, and not long after parents had been knifing each other over Tickle Me Elmo dolls), he became one of the principal stars of the show and now a good quarter of the show’s runtime is dedicated to an annoying segment called “Elmo’s World” that makes me want to eat my hand. This basically involves him giggling a lot, talking to a damn goldfish, and mocking some poor Thomas Hayden Church-looking dude named Mr. Noodle as he fails at basic tasks like winking or touching his nose. I swear, if there is a hell, the demons probably walk around doing the Elmo laugh to torment the condemned souls.

Sorry, but I want my damn Snuffaluffagus back!

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One Comment leave one →
  1. July 15, 2009 5:18 pm

    Yea, but the kids love it! That is what the difference is when you watch kids shows as an adult, it’s just never the same.

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