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Loathe Thy Neighbor

April 25, 2005

We may still be a month away from moving into our new house, but that minor detail has not prevented me from already developing an antipathy for my neighbor-to-be.

The first pangs of dislike began a few weeks ago, when we were informed that said neighbor was raising a stink over a retaining wall that runs between our respective houses.  His issue was that the walls was running at an angle and onto his property.  Now, this could be a legitimate complaint, save for two things.

First – said retaining wall angles maybe two or three degrees over.

Second – said retaining wall is on the SIDE OF THE HOUSE, where nobody will ever be save to pass through to the backyard with a lawnmower.

In the scheme of things, a very slightly angled retaining wall is a trifle.  That my future neighbor raised a fuss over it did not do much to endear me to him.  Of course, it didn’t elicit open dislike, either.  No, there was no loathing, hostility, or ill-wishing on my part until this weekend.

So what happened to put this neighbor so squarely on my list of people I do not like (which is also populated by Sean Hannity, who should be crammed into a rocket and launched in the general direction of the sun)?

He put two brick planters in his yard.

What’s wrong with brick planters, you ask?  They are, after all, tasteful, as are the trees within the center of each.  What is wrong is that the bricks don’t match those of his house.  Actually, they match our house, from which half a pallet of bricks has mysteriously vanished.

The bastard stole our bricks!

I just…this is just wrong on so many levels.  First, its just plain inconsiderate.  Second, I know he’s doing it because he’s pissed off about the retaining wall, which is a pretty lame motive.  Third, its theft.  Fourth, since we still have a portion of the house waiting to be bricked, it may delay the completion date, if he took too many.  Fifth, I will have to live next to this jackass knowing that he stole my bricks, and will have to see those bricks every day.

Oh, sure, I could chalk it up as some misunderstanding, but I’m not.  This guy doesn’t like us because our house is taller than his.  He doesn’t like us because our bricks are more tasteful than his, and we have cooler trees in our front yard.  That’s why he stole our bricks, and planted trees inside them.

Hopefully, once the house on the other side of us is built, the people who move in will be decent folks, because I would really prefer not to live between two suckasses.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. April 27, 2005 9:46 am

    That’s a real bummer! Remember though, be the bigger man. He will be your neighbor for a long time.

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