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No. I Do Not Have a Cat

September 11, 2004

3:30 PM – the wife and I went to go for a drive. We stopped at Racetrack to acquire some beverages, and as I checked out, the clerk asked me if I had a tab.

“Excuse me?” I asked. I did not know that gas stations had tabs.

“Do you have a cat?” she said, enunciating this time.

I froze. A cat? Pardon me, but why would I have a cat?

“No!” I answer, as if someone had just asked me if I’d like to compete against Michael Moore in a pie-eating contest. “Why?”

“Oh, then why you do have hair all over you?”

I look down. I’m covered in dog hair. “I have three dogs.” I explain.


5:15 PM – the wife and I are near a Baja Fresh. I’ve heard good things, but never been, so we decide to give it a shot. We walk in and order, and as the clerk waits for the credit card to authorize, he looks up and asks,

“Do you have a cat?”

Okay…once I can understand. But twice? Two counters, two clerks, two queries about my feline ownership status. How does the fur on my shirt automatically signal “cat”? Do other animals not shed? Why cat? It could have been a sea otter, for all they know. Or a marmot. After all, who doesn’t love marmots?

But back to cats. Why cats? Do they own cats? Is that why they assume everyone else is like them? If so, that’s awfully rude and culturally insensitive. Or do they think I look like someone who would own a cat? And if so, why? I need to know, so I can change whatever that thing is about myself immediately.

Its not that I have anything against cats. I don’t have anything against aadvarks, either, but I sure wouldn’t want one for a pet.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Kay permalink
    September 11, 2004 8:11 pm

    Maybe it’s the amount of hair on your shirt. Most people don’t have three dogs…one cat would probably shed the same amount. Get a pet roller.

  2. September 12, 2004 1:34 am

    Maybe they thought that you were losing YOUR hair and they were to emabarassed to asked directly. Maybe “do you have a cat?” is some kind of code. Hey, at least they didn’t ask if you would like to buy some ROGAINE!!!

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