Inglourious Basterds and Some Thoughts on Story…

Two weeks after what seems like the rest of the world, I finally got around to seeing Inglourious Basterds today. Such is life with a toddler…

On whole, I dug the hell out of the movie, and wanted to touch on a few of the layers that really drew me in. Beware, if you haven’t seen it yet, there’ll probably be some spoilers below.

10 Ways “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” Could Have Been Improved

Despite all the negative reviews, I actually enjoyed Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It was a big, dumb, fun movie, but it certainly could have been improved upon. Here are ten ways I think Bay and co. could have made a better film:

10 – Slow Down the Fights

In the first Transformers, the fight scenes were often a jumbled whirlwind of spinning metal, shot in such a way that it was hard to tell what was going on. Revenge of the Fallen really improved on the first movie by pulling back and, you know, actually showing the robots fighting.

But it was still hard to tell what was going on because the fights moved too damn fast. Well, except for the Matrix-style super-slow-mo money shots.

If they’d just slowed the fights down by 15-20%, it would have been much easier to follow what was going on.

Robots in Disguise

Jamie and I are off to see Transformers 2 tonight.

Yeah, I know the reviews haven’t exactly been kind, but you know what? I don’t care. It’s Transformers. As long as there’s a truck that transforms into a giant robot voiced by Peter Cullen, I’ll be there.

That said, pretty much every review I’ve read has come down really hard on two new Autobots who somehow manage to grab a bunch of screentime – Skids and Mudflap. The most damning – and, based on the clips I’ve seen, the most apt – description of them is “Car Car Binks”. In other words, annoying, borderline racist, and absolutely unnecessary characters.

You know, for the kids.

But seriously, what the hell? What’s the deal with including annoying, retarded characters “for the kids”? I was a kid once. I grew up on a steady diet of Transformers, Voltron, He-Man and GI Joe. And my favorite characters weren’t the comic relief sidekicks. They were the badass heroes and the completely awesome villains.

Kids don’t watch Star Wars and come away hero-worshipping C-3PO. They come away making lightsaber sounds and flying imaginary X-Wings down the Death Star trench and trying to use the Force.

But let’s assume for a moment that it’s important to have some non-badass robots for the kids to gravitate toward. Why do they have to be Kevin Federline-bots? The Gen 1 Transformers universe (i.e. the original Transformers from the mid-80s) is stuffed with non-retarded Autobots that would have made completely fitting sidekicks to Bumblebee, Sam, and Mikaela. Let’s review, shall we?

Cliffjumper

Though his bio states he transformed into a Porsche 924 Turbo, I’ll always remember Cliffjumper as basically the “red Bumblebee”. He was small, scrappy, and rash. Oh and he said things like “Decepti-creeps”. He’s the Autobot that would always rush into a situation, often against orders, and subsequently get spanked, which I guess was sort of a morality play for six-year-olds about the importance of listening to Optimus Prime.

Warpath

Warpath was always one of my favorite lesser Autobots. First of all, he turnd into an M551 Sheridan light tank, which is awesome. Second, he was an overly excitable Autobot who spoke with a Texas drawl and had a tendency to blurt out crap like “KABLAAM!” in the middle of firefights. So, kind of like a George W Bush robot. Maybe he could give all the other Autobots stupid nicknames.

Grimlock

Ah, the Dinobots. They were like a perfect storm of awesomeness for a young boy. Transformers that turn into DINOSAURS. And their leader, Grimlock, started the whole trend of refering to oneself in the third person that Bob Dole and NBA players and rappers would capitalize on so well in the 90s. Of course, robots that transform into giant metal dinosaurs makes less sense than robots that transform into cars and trucks and planes and stuff, so I’m not really sure how Michael Bay could have shoehorned ol’ Grimmy in. Probably with explosions.

Hot Rod

Hot Rod would have actually been a brilliant choice as a sidekick in Revenge of the Fallen. He was one of the new Transformers introduced in the animated Transformers movie from 1986 (which killed off a bunch of characters to make room for new ones…and their toys…and in so doing seared Transformers into the consciousness of a generation of boys with the death of Optimus Prime), and basically played the archetypal young punk who wants to be awesome but sucks, but then has adventures and proves himself and becomes the hero to the stirring lyrics of The Touch by Stan Bush:

To Boldly Go…Where?

Let me go ahead and get this out of the way. I loved the new Star Trek film. I loved the reenvisioned Enterprise and the way the production team managed to integrate everyday grittiness among the sleek futurism (main engineering, the wear and tear on the shuttles…). I loved the boom the ships made when they jumped to warp, and the use of phasers for point defense. But more than any of that, I loved the characters. Even with the new cast, something about the whole affair was as comfortable as slipping on an old pair of shoes. Kudos to J.J. Abrams and everyone involved – they really managed to capture the spirit of the original series.

Having successfully rebooted the franchise, the question now is, where does the Enterprise crew go from here? What form will their next adventure take?

Snake Eyes…

Did you know Stephen Sommers (the guy who directed The Mummy and The Mummy Returns) is making a G.I. Joe movie? If not, now you do.

I’m not sure what to think. On the one hand…Stephen Sommers? On the other, the G.I. Joe was pretty heavy on the cheese, so maybe the guy who directed a quipping Brendan Frasier wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Still, I can’t help but cringe at the notion of a fun, cheeseball movie about an elite military unit that goes after ARMS DEALERS AND TERRORISTS. You know. Given the state of world affairs and all.

Who am I kidding? I’ll probably see it anyway come 2009.

Early casting has been mixed. I mean…Marlon Wayans and Channing Tatum? Seriously? But the suck is balanced out with some good choices, including Christopher Eccleston as Destro, Arnold Vosloo (Imhotep himself!) as Zartan, the dude who played Mr. Ecko on LOST as Heavy Duty, and Ray Park (Darth Maul) as everyone’s favorite blind and mute ninja-commando-fashionista, Snake Eyes. And for some reason Joseph Goron-Levitt has been cast as Cobra Commander. I’m assuming it has to do with the nasally, high-pitched voice, because otherwise, WTF?

There hasn’t been too much out there about the film yet, but today I opened up my browser and, lo and behold, it’s frakkin’ Snake Eyes!

How cool is that? It’s like they ripped him right out of the cartoon, right down to the wrist cuffs.

John Adams

Every time a historical epic rolls around, I bite my tongue, put a leash on my inner historian, and try to enjoy the spectacle while overlooking all the gross inaccuracies.

Usually, the most I can hope for is a balancing act, where they drama and spectacle buoy the production against the falsehoods and foolishness.

But HBO’s new miniseries, John Adams, is different. It’s not 100% accurate, but it tries, and tries damn hard. And it manages to tell a fantastic story, even with all that troublesome accuracy business. Someone finally seems to have realized that history, actual, real history, is a ripe ground for great stories – the founding of this nation being no exception.

And there’s a lot more to love than the adherence to actual history. Paul Giamatti is inspired as Adams…Tom Wilkinson does a great job wth Ben Franklin…and Laura Linney is quite frankly a revelation as Abigail Adams. The interplay between husband and wife is touching and genuine…the set design and costumes the usual HBO quality…the only chink in the armor, so far as I can tell, s the bulk of prosthetics which attempt to transform David Morse into George Washington. They do the job, until he’s required to move or emote, at which point he looks like David Morse playing George Washington after either a stroke or too much botox.

Beyond that one complaint, I loved the first two hours tonight, and Jamie loved them as well. If you don’t have HBO, John Adams is worth the month or two subscription.

Check it out.

Quick! Somebody Call the Whambulance!

Why can’t a day – just one day – go by without my having to read yet another story th makes me want to pack up and ditch this country?

Today’s gem comes from Dalton, Georgia, where a middle school teacher had the nerve to screen the first seven or so minutes of 300 for his class. Apparently, this has parents and students all distraught.

When did we become a nation of whining pansies? Seriously. This is getting out of hand.

Follow on past the break, where I have every intention of tearing this article to shreds and frothing at the mouth while doing so.

Beam Me Up…

Back in the day, I was quite the Star Trek fan, eagerly soaking in new episodes of The Next Generation, reading novelizations, and, yes, attending a convention or two.  I even put aside my usual selection of aircraft to build a scale model of the Enterprise.

In other words, I was a dork.

After The Next Generation ended, Star Trek sort of lost me.  I could never get into Deep Space Nine or Voyager, and by the time Enterprise came around, I could really care less.  I figured that’s about how things would continue until I heard rumblings of a Trek reboot.

That’s right.  Come Christmas 2008, we’re going to be treated to another Star Trek.  And not another warmed over, big screen episode of The Next Generation.  This one is going to be a complete reboot, starting over with a young Kirk and Spock as they set out to go where no man has gone before.  Every other piece of pop culture seems to be receiving the reboot treatment nowadays, so why not Trek?

What’s got my interest peaked, however, is that this reboot isn’t being handled by the same band of fools that managed to capsize the franchise over the last fifteen years, but by J.J. Abrams, the guy behind Lost.

So far, word on the ground has been thin.  The movie’s not due out for a year and a half, after all, and filming doesn’t even start until November.  Yesterday, however, a pretty major announcement was made at Comic-Con.

Zachary Quinto (who plays Sylar on Heroes) has been cast as Spock.  What’s more, Leonard Nimoy will be putting in an appearance as an older version of his iconic character.

Honestly, I’m digging this.  Quinto is the perfect actor to play everyone’s favorite Vulcan, and certainly a better choice than Ben Affleck (yes, his name had been rumored for awhile).

The question now is, who is going to play Kirk?

Order of the Phoenix

Continuing what’s become something of a tradition, Jamie and I made our way out to the Alamo Drafthouse last night for the midnight (okay, 11:55) screening of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

My initial reaction?

If I were ranking the five extant movies, the list would go something like this:

1. Prisoner of Azkaban
2. Order of the Phoenix
3. Goblet of Fire
4. Chamber of Secrets
5. Sorcerer’s Stone

Order of the Phoenix was good. Quite good, actually. But frustrating at the same time. If director David Yates had slowed down the pace just a touch, and let the film run twenty, maybe thirty minutes longer, I think he could have elevated it to greatness. As it stands, there is just enough missing, especially in the final act, to make everything feel a bit rushed.

Apart from the runtime (which, being honest, I would prefer to see somewhere nearer to four hours), it’s hard to find places to criticize the movie. The directing was strong, as was the acting, which struck me as more natural this time around. And the casting was spot on, as usual. If there’s one thing that continually amazes me about this series, it’s how, not just good, how inspired the casting has been, not only with respect to the three leads, but all the supporting characters as well. Maggie Smith as McGonagall, Robbie Coltrane as Hagrid, Alan Rickman as Snape, and now Imelda Staunton as Umbridge. They fit so naturally that, were it not for their splendid work elsewhere, one might be tempted to think these actors were born for the singular purpose of playing these characters.

See the movie. And if you haven’t yet, see Transformers, too.

1-18-08

If you’ve seen Transformers, or follow movie news in any form or fashion, chances are you’ve already treated your eyes to this trailer.

If not, here’s what you need to know. It’s being produced by J.J. Abrams (that guy behind LOST), it’s plot is pretty much an absolute mystery, and, oh yeah, it DOESN’T HAVE A TITLE.

I don’t know what to make of all this. The trailer is well done and has certainly aroused my interest. Is it a monster movie? Is that what those roars are all about? Is the whole thing being shot in “camcorder” mode?

Whatever the case…releasing a trailer (and who knows…maybe a movie) without a title is pretty ballsy. And perhaps ingenious.